Be better to you!

I absolutely love this story, it really spoke to me so I thought I'd share it with you.

A water-bearer carries two large pots on a yoke across his shoulders up the hill from the river to his master’s house each day. One has a crack and leaks half its water out each day before arriving at the house. The other pot is perfect and always delivered a full portion of water after the long walk from the river.

Finally, after years of arriving half-empty and feeling guilty, the cracked pot apologized to the water-bearer. It was miserable. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t accomplish what the perfect pot did.”

The water-bearer says, “What do you have to apologize for?”

“After all this time, I still only deliver half my load of water. I make more work for you because of my flaw.”

The man smiled and told the pot. “Take note of all the lovely flowers growing on the side of the path where I carried you. The flowers grew so lovely because of the water you leaked. There are no flowers on the perfect pot’s side.”

This story made me realize that just because we don't always think we're doing enough or that we aren't good enough that other people see us that way and we ourselves shouldn't see us that way. The past few years have been very emotionally and mentally draining on me, because I've felt because I'm not physically able to do anything that I'm a waste or a bum. I've often needed others compliments or approval to make me believe that I'm doing the best I can. The truth is that no one's circumstances are perfect, we all face situations that test us physically and mentally and those who are strong and work through these things will gain so much from the experience. It's hard when you're in the thick of a hardship to see the positives that can come from it, but when you're on the other side, you experience the positive outcomes. It's important to be positive with yourself and not knock yourself down until the only thing that can get you back up is other's opinions or approval. I've often felt that I'm a people pleaser and have often needed to make other people proud or happy to feel accomplished. Although it's nice to have other people's encouragement and positivity, it is not necessary. We need to be better about giving ourselves credit, to be proud of ourselves and not feel like we're arrogant or cocky. It's ok to be proud of what you've accomplished, because the only person who really knows how hard that thing may have been for you is YOU. 

There was a time when I was so down and hard on myself and the only thing that picked me up is other's approval and praise. It was such a dark place and I never realized the damage that it caused within me. We need to be better about praising ourselves, this doesn't mean that you need to do it outwardly and make people feel like you aren't humble, but do some positive self talk! If you did something awesome that you didn't think you were capable of, pat yourself on the back. This will help boost your confidence for the next time you think you aren't capable of doing something and get you through it.

I am working hard at doing this myself, right now I am not able to do what I want to do, but getting through a major hip surgery and being mostly positive and uplifted during the recovery has not been easy and I'm proud of myself for staying strong. I am looking forward to what's to come this year, I know a lot of it is not going to be easy, but because of what I've been through, I know I can accomplish it.

Be better to you. Don't seek other's praise or approval for what you're doing, if it's wise and going to propel you towards a brighter future and a better you, go for it and don't forget to love yourself through the process!

Thanks for reading

<3 B

Failure is the stepping stone to success

If I had to write down all the things that I "am" and "have been" the list would go on forever; the past five or so years I've had to completely rewrite a few chapters in the book of "Bridget." I think my character has stayed pretty similar through all the changes, but who I am has sustained a lot of change. Our society pushes productivity on people, we are focused on success and what will we have done by the time we're dead and gone. Will we leave a legacy behind? Will we be that success story people write about? One thing I don't think people realize that can make you a success story is: failure. A lot of times people don't like talking about their failures, because it taints their success story. I think success despite failure is the most amazing part of the story and should definitely be exposed. Here's a story that makes me appreciate the books that I grew up with even more:

J.K. Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter novels was waitressing and on public assistance when she was writing the first installment of what would become one of the best selling series in history. The book was rejected by a dozen publishers. The only reason it got published at all was because the CEO's eight year old daughter begged him to publish it.

“Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential.” - J.K. Rowling

Despite the fact that she was rejected time after time, she still made the effort and eventually it paid off and Harry Potter is a story everyone loves, if you haven't read Harry Potter, shame on you. 

Today I went to the Bernalillo County Sheriff's Department 35th cadet class' graduation. It was such an inspiring ceremony; they showed a video of a taste of what the cadet's had been through in the past 23 weeks and you could see in all of their faces how proud they were to have made it. I would love nothing more then to be one of those cadet's graduating and joining the force, but with my physical problem I am currently unable. The key word there is currently, that doesn't mean that someday in the future it's not something I will try. In the mean time, I will do all that I can to better my mind, work hard on other aspects of my life so that when the time does come, I will be ready. There are so many times that we could give up and quit, but once you quit, it's rare that you can go back and try again. By definition, failure means the lack of success. The way I see that is lack of success THIS TIME, it doesn't mean you will never find success again. 

Life is full of trial and error, I tried college for two years and didn't like it; two years later I decided to give it a go again and I'm almost done with my Associates degree in Criminal Justice. I tried competing in figure competitions, learned a lot, but realized it wasn't for me, but I am still passionate about health and people taking care of themselves. Keep trying, don't ever give up on yourself, if things don't work out there may be something around the corner that makes more sense for you. 

I am feeling so encouraged lately, there are a few hurdles on the way to my future, but they are all part of the process. Use your hurdles as a way to propel yourself into success instead of throwing you into a dark hole that you can't get out of. We got this :) 

<3 B

Do the best you can.

I wasn't like other many other children who knew exactly what they wanted to be when they were older. I mean ya, being a rock star would be cool, but it wasn't my DREAM. It took me a lot of trial and error to figure out who and what I wanted to be. When I was 18 I realized how much I enjoyed exercise and decided I would pursue that fully. I started college pursuing a degree in exercise science and became a personal trainer, I then realized how much more I'd rather be in the gym then sitting in a classroom, so I dropped out of college after two years. Fast forward two more years to my life changing diagnosis of hip dysplasia, that was a world rocker. I don't think people understand when I say I had to grieve the loss of the old me. The old me died. I was no longer able to rely on my body as much as I had, I am no longer able to try anything and everything with money and opportunity being the only obstacles.

It makes me laugh sometimes when I tell people what's "wrong with me" and all they can say is, "you're too young for hip problems." Well that is definitely a true statement, I am too young, but alas I have hip problems so no need to backpedal. That's almost as good as, "oh, that's what German Shepard's have, right?" Why yes, I have the same hip problems as a dog. It doesn't bother me too much anymore, that's how people understand things in their perspective. I have come to terms with the fact that I will probably never be able to run again without pain, I've definitely come to terms with the fact that I'll never be able to weight lift like I used to, because my joints just can't take it. I am nervous to someday have kids, because I don't know how my pelvis will respond after being broken 3 ways on each side. It's definitely a rude awakening, but it's an awakening I've embraced. I lost my cat yesterday, who has been in my life since I was 12; when I say she's been in my life, I mean by my side constantly, she slept with me, hung out with me day in and day out for 12 years. Noah asked me if it was worse than surgery, because he knew how hard surgery was for me, I would take surgery 100 times over before I'd lose my cat.

What I'm trying to get at with this post is that it's important to adapt to the changes that life throws at you. Everyone knows that life is not easy, nor is it fair, but it is what you make of it. Instead of feeling sorry for myself and trying to continue with a lifestyle that I know isn't good for me mentally or physically, I decided to make a 180 degree change. Working out has taken a back seat, school has taken the front seat and it has been a good transition. I am looking forward to a career in criminal justice, I am looking forward to having a bright and amazing future with my boyfriend. As cheesy as it is, everything happens for a reason. If I wasn't diagnosed with hip dysplasia, I would be in the Air Force, and I'm sure that would have worked out the way it was supposed to, but I think I got a pretty sweet deal despite the pain and suffering that hip dysplasia brought.

Do the absolute best you can with what you're dealt. Use the resources and people around you to embrace your circumstances and turn them into positive outcomes. Instead of using my hip dysplasia as a crutch and an excuse of what I can't do, I will be able to say despite my hip dysplasia I was able to accomplish......

You got this! Be the warrior that we both know is inside of you.

<3 B

Hanging in there

I will be 5 weeks out from my surgery this thursday, this process is a slow one. I am still using my walker to get everywhere, I'm sure I could try using one crutch to get around, but I don't want to rush myself. I am far from my past self that would want to get back to physical activity yesterday. I am more than ready to be healed completely, but I know that slow and steady wins the race. I was lucky enough to have my boyfriend here through my surgery and first 4 weeks of recovery. He helped keep my mind busy, we did so much more than I expected to. I went with him to his parents house many times, we went out to run errands and had amazing Christmas and New Years celebrations.

The real hard work starts now; my boyfriend left back to New York for his second semester in school on Sunday and even though I am heart broken to say goodbye to him, I am so proud of him. He is sacrificing to much to better himself and create a future for the both of us. I can't imagine having a more stable and amazing person by my side. He has made this process so much easier and I am so grateful to him for that.

The focus for me right now is to get through each day and be stronger than I was the day before. I've noticed that my left leg is getting way stronger, because it's picking up the right leg's slack. I am getting a stronger upper body as well as core, which is a nice bonus. My scar looks amazing and I'm pretty proud of it. I am doing my best to keep my mind on board, I've started reading, which I never do and even started playing some Halo with my dad and Noah. I start school next week and am kind of looking forward to the challenge. This process is not for the weak, it takes a lot of mental strength to be injured, which I don't think a lot of people realize. I could see how some people may think it's kind of fun to be able to hang out at home for a long period of time and be "waited on" by others. I am such an independent person and can't handle asking people for help, I've gotten much better than I used to be, but I want to do things for myself and others, not the other way around. I am ready to get back to living my life, I've talked to many other women who suffer with hip dysplasia and we all feel our hips dictate our lives, we can't do much without considering our hips first.

I am doing well, yes it's hard to see your soul mate leave you for 6 weeks, but luckily we have technology on our side. I am focused on recovering, become a much healthier and stronger person than I was before. I don't want my ailment to hold me back anymore, I want to rise above it and live my life again. It's been too long since I truly lived for a long time.

:) Thanks for reading