Inspired

Just finished watching Julie and Julia and am feeling truly inspired. I've been feeling like I've been going through the motions lately and I really want to start actually LIVING my life. I know that sounds so clique, but I truly mean it. The past year has been such a transition for me and I've had to pretty much rewrite who I am, to myself and to others. I am now working at a dead end job, trying to make it by and going to school for something I am passionate about. I feel like I've been such a robot lately and not really enjoying every moment that I'm in and that frustrates me. We always think that the grass is going to be greener on the other side, but truth is once you get there, there's always greener grass. I don't want to look forward to the weekends anymore, I want to enjoy everyday. I'm not one hundred percent sure how I'm going to achieve this, but I'm sure as hell going to try.

I've learned a lot about myself since my boyfriend and I transitioned into a long distance relationship. When you're so far away from someone for quite a long period of time (2 months is a long time for me) you begin to realize that when you're with them that you enjoy EVERY moment, I sometimes catch myself taking photos in my mind to capture some moments; like when he wraps his arms around me to hug me, I almost take a screen shot of the feeling of his hands on my back, his smell, what the embrace feels like just so I can replay it when we're apart again. It's so special to see someone for the first time in such a long time and I absolutely love that feeling. I've never been so excited about anything before, love does crazy things to you sometimes I guess.

Where was I going with that little tangent, ah yes, loving every moment. Sometimes I'll find myself in situations where I'm unhappy, or not where I want to be and I'll think about someone who wishes they were in my place. For instance, when I'm sitting at work and have to listen to someone else complain about how bad they have it in life, all I can think about in that situation is at least I have a job. Things could be so much worse than they are at that moment. We've all had bad situations happen to us, bad circumstances, bad days, but hopefully things do get better. I want to have a more positive outlook that allows me to really appreciate every day.

It's definitely been difficult rewriting who Bridget Wilding is after all that has transpired over the last 2 or so years, but I'm getting there. I definitely know who I'm not and I think that's a good start.

Onto better days, more positive thoughts and lots more love.

Hope you are well.

Love always, Bridget

Truth is

The truth is, I'm stressed. I am 6 days out from one of the biggest surgeries of my life thus far.
Truth is, I am having a hard time staying above water. Having a hard time staying positive and strong.
I am a strong person, I have always kept a pretty positive outlook on life, even when things are rough. The problem with this situation is, there is so much that is unknown to me.

The truth is, I can't handle one more person telling me, "you're going to be fine." How do you know that? Ya, we all hope for the best, we all hope that everything goes flawlessly, but that's something a lot of people don't know about me. I was faced with an extremely rough lifestyle a couple years ago, every day sucked pretty bad, yes it was my choice and I enjoyed pushing myself to the next level when I competed, but I had to prepare myself for each and every day. Somedays I knew, you know what Bridget, you're not going to be fine today, yes you'll live, but today is going to suck.. and it did, but I got through it. This surgery, is going to suck.. there's no if's and's or but's about it. I am getting at least a 4" incision cut into my skin, I am having muscles cut and pulled aside so that my bone is accessible, my pelvis will be cut in 3 different places. If you were going through that yourself, would you be fine? I know this sounds harsh, but I am okay with it not being "fine." This is the surgery I need to go through to get to where I want to be in my life, I am well prepared to go through the hardships it's going to take to get through this. I need to prepare for the worst to be able to work through the worst.

I am losing hair, losing sleep, my face is breaking out, I feel like my world is falling down around me, but I also realize that things could be so much worse than they are. I talked to a friend today who told me, hey some people don't even have hips, this is the truth. God has a plan, I think God is putting me through all of this because He knows that I can handle it. Maybe someday I will be able to help someone through this process and it will all be worth it.

Truth is, I am having the hardest time preparing the ones I love for this, I have been through a hip surgery earlier this year and it was hard on all of us me being incapacitated for a couple of weeks. Both of my parents own their own businesses, they can't tell their boss' that they need time off, because they are their own bosses. I am very lucky to have an absolutely unbelievable boyfriend who is willing to do all that it takes to get me through this rough patch. I really am so lucky.

The truth is, I can't wait to move on from all of this and be myself again, I haven't felt like the real Bridget for quite some time now. I know people think about my competing time as a really harsh and grueling lifestyle, but I was able to really be with myself, I was able to do things that I never thought I could do. Through recovering from that lifestyle, I have learned that I am able to put that passion and drive into other aspects of my life, I have gone back to school and completely excelled, my GPA when I first went to college was maybe a 2.0.. Since I've gone back, I've gotten a 3.8, I am so proud of how far I've come and I can't wait to see how far I could go.

The truth is, life is so very precious, throughout being injured and dealing with this chronic issue I have learned so much about myself and others that I surround myself with. I am lucky enough to be able to continue to live with my parents and really spend some time with them that I value more than anything, I have grown into an amazing relationship with my sister who I adore so much and am so proud of, I have found passions that I never knew existed in me before, I have learned how to love and be loved.

The truth is, things are about to change drastically for me and no matter how ready I think I am, I know my world is about to be rocked, but I have an amazing support system to fall back on.

Thanks for listening... stand by, I'll be sure to post throughout this process.