Spreading my wings

Time to move on.

The past two years have been a struggle, no doubt about that. I've had two major reconstructive hip surgeries, went through a lifestyle that was pretty detrimental and opened my eyes to more important aspects of life than I previously have. I have had to rewrite what I'm passionate about and what I want my future to look like. Well two thousand and fifteen is the year things are going to happen. 

I went to CNM for about two years and worked towards an associates degree in Criminal Justice and decided I wanted to get a Bachelors degree instead of the associates degree that CNM offered. Most of you know I'm in a long distance relationship with Noah; he's in Troy, New York and I'm in Albuquerque, NM. We have decided after almost two years of doing long distance, we're ready to be in the same city. I am going to be moving to Troy in July of this year and attending a private university out there to get my degree in Sociology with a focus on Criminal Justice, luckily most of the credits that I got here in ABQ will transfer over so I only have two years of school left :). I am so so so excited and can't wait to a) finally start my life and start making progress b) be with my man and best friend and start our lives together. We will probably stay in New York until we're both finished with school and then see where the world takes us next. 

I never thought I'd be in a long distance relationship let alone be moving across the country, but I am so happy that I found my partner and best friend in Noah. He's giving me opportunities that I never thought were possible. I feel very lucky after having a few hardships and tests from life that I get to kind of start fresh. 

The last few weeks I've been going through some growing pains with friendships and really asking myself what's important to me in this city. Truth is I'm going to miss my family so much, I'm sure I'll have some homesickness for a little while and I'll miss a few of my friends, but other than that I'm kind of ready to get out of here. I don't feel like I'm running away at all, I feel like I'm running to an amazing future. It's going to be weird leaving Albuquerque after living here for 24 years, especially because I thought I would have been out of here sooner, but the time has definitely come. Home is where my Noah is and I'm so excited to be with him. 

I'm hoping to have a going away get together when the time gets closer, but until then I'm going to enjoy the time I have here and work on recovering and preparing for the next chapter :)

Lots of love as always

<3 B

Years of transitioning

It's been a while since I've posted a blog, mostly because I don't have much to talk about. Almost six weeks ago I had my left PAO surgery and have been focusing on recovering from that and not much else has been going on. I've had to work pretty hard on staying positive and not completely breaking down throughout this process. I have been through two major hip surgeries in two years as well as having to completely revamp my life. Every time I go to the doctor after not seeing them for a while they mention what I told them I was hoping to work towards after recovering and it has changed almost every visit. When I was first diagnosed with hip dysplasia, I was still hanging onto the dream of being a personal trainer and changing people's lives and going into the Air Force; I'm going a new direction now. This year I'm going to be moving to New York with my boyfriend, finishing my degree in Sociology with a pathway in Criminal Justice and hopefully start a career out there. I can't help but feel like I'm a prisoner in my own body, my mind and soul are so ready to start life and hit the ground running but my body hasn't cooperated over the past three or four years.

I have a lot I want to achieve and I can't help but feel behind at 24, almost 25. I know I'll get there, it's only a matter of time, but at the moment it's a hard pill to swallow that all I can focus on is recovering. I also feel that people are bored of what I'm going through, hell I'm bored of what I'm going through, I'm sick of talking about the process of the last few years. Maybe it's my perception and I don't want to put people through hearing about my hips anymore, but I feel isolated. Kind of like when you grow apart from a group of friends because you have different interests well hip dysplasia isn't an interest of mine, it's my reality. It has become my main focus over the past few years and when you have constant pain it's hard to not let it control you.

I guess all that I'm trying to say is I can't wait to look back on all of this a few years from now and smile because I am out of the darkness and finally able to see some light.

Do the best you can.

I wasn't like other many other children who knew exactly what they wanted to be when they were older. I mean ya, being a rock star would be cool, but it wasn't my DREAM. It took me a lot of trial and error to figure out who and what I wanted to be. When I was 18 I realized how much I enjoyed exercise and decided I would pursue that fully. I started college pursuing a degree in exercise science and became a personal trainer, I then realized how much more I'd rather be in the gym then sitting in a classroom, so I dropped out of college after two years. Fast forward two more years to my life changing diagnosis of hip dysplasia, that was a world rocker. I don't think people understand when I say I had to grieve the loss of the old me. The old me died. I was no longer able to rely on my body as much as I had, I am no longer able to try anything and everything with money and opportunity being the only obstacles.

It makes me laugh sometimes when I tell people what's "wrong with me" and all they can say is, "you're too young for hip problems." Well that is definitely a true statement, I am too young, but alas I have hip problems so no need to backpedal. That's almost as good as, "oh, that's what German Shepard's have, right?" Why yes, I have the same hip problems as a dog. It doesn't bother me too much anymore, that's how people understand things in their perspective. I have come to terms with the fact that I will probably never be able to run again without pain, I've definitely come to terms with the fact that I'll never be able to weight lift like I used to, because my joints just can't take it. I am nervous to someday have kids, because I don't know how my pelvis will respond after being broken 3 ways on each side. It's definitely a rude awakening, but it's an awakening I've embraced. I lost my cat yesterday, who has been in my life since I was 12; when I say she's been in my life, I mean by my side constantly, she slept with me, hung out with me day in and day out for 12 years. Noah asked me if it was worse than surgery, because he knew how hard surgery was for me, I would take surgery 100 times over before I'd lose my cat.

What I'm trying to get at with this post is that it's important to adapt to the changes that life throws at you. Everyone knows that life is not easy, nor is it fair, but it is what you make of it. Instead of feeling sorry for myself and trying to continue with a lifestyle that I know isn't good for me mentally or physically, I decided to make a 180 degree change. Working out has taken a back seat, school has taken the front seat and it has been a good transition. I am looking forward to a career in criminal justice, I am looking forward to having a bright and amazing future with my boyfriend. As cheesy as it is, everything happens for a reason. If I wasn't diagnosed with hip dysplasia, I would be in the Air Force, and I'm sure that would have worked out the way it was supposed to, but I think I got a pretty sweet deal despite the pain and suffering that hip dysplasia brought.

Do the absolute best you can with what you're dealt. Use the resources and people around you to embrace your circumstances and turn them into positive outcomes. Instead of using my hip dysplasia as a crutch and an excuse of what I can't do, I will be able to say despite my hip dysplasia I was able to accomplish......

You got this! Be the warrior that we both know is inside of you.

<3 B