What a cry baby

Lately I've had a lot of time to myself. I had a surgery on my hip 6 weeks ago and have been home since. Luckily, my boyfriend was with me throughout the surgery process and came home with me for 4 weeks of my recovery, but sadly he is now back in New York being his awesome self and working on his PhD. Since he's been gone, there have been days that I've enjoyed being home, getting to lounge around by myself, catch up on old TV programs, read books that I've wanted to for some time, catch up on some things around the house, it's been nice. Then there are the days that I'm just plain sad and lonely. I had my 6 week follow up visit with my doctor in Utah yesterday and although most would take what he said as good news and most of it was, a lot of it was hard for me to hear. I have been on this "messed up hip roller coaster" for almost 2 years now, it has been one hell of a rough ride. I just had a surgery that involved cutting my pelvis in three different areas, a muscle was severed so I now have no feeling on the top of my quad and 4 screws were placed to hold it all together. I have been through 5 different doctors for this issue, one unsuccessful surgery and many other medical treatments that did nothing but lessen my bank account and frustrate me more... and people are surprised I'm skeptical?!?! Not to mention I have bilateral hip dysplasia, you know I never really had a problem with having two of most things on my body until now. I will more than likely have to have a similar surgery on my left hip within this year, please wait while I contain my excitement. How much does that suck? Right after I get my mobility and strength back in my right it's the lefts turn to undergo this long and tedious process.

I am 23, most people who know me knew that I used to be a fitness addict, track and cross country runner in high school, then turned to weight lifting and fell in love, I became a figure competitor when I was 19 and didn't stop until I was 22, because of this hip issue. Working out was everything to me, that's all I did really and although it was difficult to give up that lifestyle when I got injured, I saw it as a blessing, because even though most people saw what I did as a healthy lifestyle, it was an addiction for me. I undoubtedly had an eating disorder as well as an exercise disorder, I was very lucky that the injury got to me when it did, because I was on a slippery slope. In hindsight now, I would give anything to go back before I started weight lifting and just have enjoyed my life. I think a lot of things would be different for me right now if I didn't put my body through complete excruciating hell for 3 years... But of course the past is in the past and here we are in the present with what I can control.

With all that being said, it's safe to say I'm not exactly where I want to be in my life. I would have liked to have my degree by now, to at least have a job, maybe starting my career and definitely not still residing in my parents house; not to say I'm not grateful for them, they are amazing and always have been. This has without a doubt been the hardest thing I've had to go through in my life and I wish I could say it's almost over. I think it's time I put a lot more faith in God, because even though I don't think any of this is necessary fair, I'm sure He has a plan for me and I will someday see it and be grateful for this journey. I can't wait to be on the other side of all this.

Anyway, thanks as always for reading.

Lots of love,

Bridget

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