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Wow it's been way too long since I've posted a blog. School has just been so crazy it's hard to keep up with everything else going on, but here I am!
Noah and I have been living together for about three months now and I thought I'd share some things I've learned about myself and him have take some getting used to, but now help us on an every day basis. Not only did I go from living with my parents for 24 years to living with Noah, but we also went from a long distance relationship for two years to being together 24/7. I was really excited to finally be done with the long distance segment of our relationship and finally be back together full time, but I was also nervous to give up my independence; luckily we have found a good balance between the two. Let's get to the things I've learned.
1. Pick your battles.
I know everyone has heard this before, but I truly understand it now. Noah and I are both hard headed, we are used to doing things a certain way and have those expectations ingrained in us. There are certain things that are more important to me than others and I've learned that if something is really bothering me and I'm unwilling to compromise on it I will speak up and make my thoughts known. This doesn't always mean that a compromise will be reached on both sides of the argument, but I think it's important to speak up.
A great example of this is team work. I strongly believe that if two people are sharing a space, it is up to both people to be considerate of the other and help out when they can. Laundry is something that I don't mind doing so I have taken on the laundry chore and don't expect Noah to do it, Noah on the other hand is really good about putting Wendy's needs first and does a great job of taking care of her when I'm at school or work. Obviously there are tons of other things we have to work together on and more often than not we make it work. I think it's vital to a relationship's success to find someone who has a similar expectation of how their space is kept (i.e. clean or messy.) Otherwise one party may feel as though they're always cleaning up after the other and that's not fair. Don't be afraid to fill your partner in on your hopes for the space and be prepared to make compromises on certain chores and aspects of the living environment.
Teamwork makes the dream work :)
2. Be willing to make sacrifices and compromises.
Most relationships don't work unless there are sacrifices and compromises made on each party's behalf. When you live with someone this is so important, because you share this space 24/7, it isn't okay for one person to always be dominating things. Keep in mind that even though it's your partner's space, it's your space TOO. Each person's needs are important to consider, especially when you're living together. For example: Maybe you set up a night where you both do your own thing and you get to enjoy the things that only you enjoy and on another night you come together and do something that you both enjoy. This will also help you keep your independence and hopefully eliminate you two getting sick of each other. Compromising on things is a great way to keep a relationship strong.
3. Set up boundaries.
Boundaries are also very important to any relationship, not just a relationship with your significant other. It's also important to set up these boundaries from the get go so each party is aware of them and there isn't frustration later on down the road. These boundaries can be as simple as walking away from an argument before you think you'll say something you'll later regret and coming back together a little while later to discuss things. Another may be giving a person privacy when they want to be alone for whatever reason. It's also critical to set up boundaries with your significant other's family, especially if you're getting more serious. It's always good to be on the same page with people, especially when the subject can be touchy.
4. Accept your significant other for their strengths and weaknesses.
This has probably been one of the hardest things for both Noah and I. There are things that each of us do that gets on the other's nerves. It's important to remember at the end of the day that you love this person and everyone makes mistakes and has their weak moments.
I am such a clutzy person, always have been and I probably always will be. I do my best to prevent this and to be as careful as I can, but sometimes I do stupid things. Noah is getting better about being patient with me during these moments and hopefully realizing that I don't do these things intentionally. Noah on the other hand can be pretty grumpy in the morning, it is still hard for me some mornings to not make comments and try and cheer him up, but I'm starting to learn that it's better to just let him do his thing and he'll come around when the clock hits 12 PM :)
5. Make time for each other!
I can't stress this one enough. It is so important to make time for each other and your relationship. Life can get so stupid busy sometimes and you may not even realize how long it's been since you sat down and were just together for a little while. Noah and I have realized how hard this has been ever since we got a dog and started school and work. Although Wendy brings us so much happiness, joy and love, she is like a child. We don't do a lot of things we used to do before we got Wendy and school and work started. We definitely need to remember once a month or so to have some Noah and Bridget time. This is probably true for any couple, especially those who have children. Be with each other, no phones, no outside distractions, really be with one another and help make your relationship stronger.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this blog and I hope some of these things help in your current situation or will maybe help sometime in the future.
Lots of love!
B
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