Stressed

My dad is one of the most perceptive people when it comes to my emotions and what's going on in my life. Today I woke up and it really hit me hard that next Tuesday I'll be undergoing my second PAO surgery within a year of the last one. I barely slept last night, got maybe four hours and just felt drained, he picked right up on it. He told me exactly what I wanted to hear, that it's okay to be down and depressed and just want to lay in bed for a while, but he then told me what I needed to hear, that this surgery is necessary, that it will get me to where I want to go. I took that part and put it in the back of my head, because what he said initially is what I wanted to do, lay in bed, feel sorry for myself, but tomorrow is a new day.

There's no doubt that what I'm undergoing next Tuesday is scary, my doctor will be cutting a five inch incision, cutting through muscle and nerves and then fracturing three sides of my pelvis and rotating it so that my bone fits better in my joint. It's scary, but knowing that I've already had it done on my right hip calms me. I've been through this before, I think my mind has forgotten a lot of the recovery, partly because I was on some heavy drugs and partly because I don't want to remember most of it. Truth is, I don't want to go through this, but I have to.

I'm hoping that tomorrow is a better day, being done with school hasn't given me too much to focus on up until Monday when I leave for Salt Lake City for my pre-op appointment. Until then, i'll definitely be taking advantage of my mobility, taking as many showers and baths as I can fit in, drive a little bit, sleep in every position I can and take advantage of my independence, because next week all of that will change.

I'm grateful for all the support I've received throughout the past few years, it definitely hasn't been easy, but I'm almost done. Last surgery for a while I hope!

Lots of love,

<3 B