How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship

I have been with my boyfriend, Noah for over 2 years now and it has been an amazing journey. When we started dating, neither of us were really looking for anything serious but it really turned into a strong connection and now I really can't imagine my life without him. Last August, Noah decided he was going to give his PhD a try in engineering in Troy, New York. Of course when I heard this news I had so many different emotions, excitement, dread, and of course I was so proud of him. Well it is safe to say that being in a long distance relationship has hands down been the hardest thing I've ever done, but here we are a year later standing together stronger than ever. I thought I'd take the experience I've been through to help others survive it and even succeed. Here goes, 10 tips on surviving a long distance relationship in no specific order:

Me and my honey :)

1. Communication is key. I know what you're thinking, thank you captain obvious... Communication is pretty much all you have when you have miles between the two of you, but it is so important to find all different ways of communicating. Noah and I have gotten into a rhythm, we text every day, we Skype almost every night and we have started talking on the phone pretty regularly as well. It's really interesting how much we take for granted when we are with the person, when you are physically with them, you don't need to talk, because your body language is so expressive, the way you interact really speaks for itself most of the time. You don't have this luxury when you're 2,000 miles apart, you learn to text in a way that doesn't make the person assume your tone, you learn to keep things light most of the time, because there isn't a hug or a kiss just around the corner. Now don't get me wrong, Noah and I fight, like all healthy couples do, but we have gotten so much better at communicating what we both feel during the fight instead of shutting the other down and ignoring it. That's another bittersweet thing about long distance, you have to deal with your issues. Every couple is different, it's important to figure out how often you need to talk to feel like you're keeping each other involved in the other's life. Words are so undervalued, I've learned to really appreciate each text, each "Skype date" and each phone call.

2. Create a solid foundation. This is one of the things that I am so grateful for when it comes to my long distance relationship. Like I said before, Noah and I started dating a year before he left for New York, so we had a pretty solid relationship to rely on. Obviously anything is possible, it may not be necessary for some people to live in the same city in the beginning to make a relationship work, but I think it makes things more stable. The beauty of having a foundation is that you know what you are capable as a couple when you are together physically. I also think having a solid foundation makes the little hiccups that can occur during a long distance relationship seem so minor in the big scheme of things. I knew pretty much from the beginning that I absolutely adored Noah and didn't want to live without him so having that at the forefront of my mind really helps when those petty arguments arise.

Almost the very beginning of the journey 

3. Trust your boyfriend/girlfriend. I can almost guarantee if you have even an ounce of mistrust towards your significant other that long distance will not work for you. There is so much that can go wrong when there are miles and miles between the two of you, but if you are both truly committed to the other and have no other intention but to be loyal, then there is nothing to worry about. I used to have really bad jealousy issues, but I think a lot of that came down to the person I was dating, it's super important to never let the person you're currently dating pay for the mistakes of the people in your past. My boyfriend has never given me any reason to mistrust him or think twice about his intentions so I do just what he deserves, trust him implicitly. There are always going to be people out there who try to sabotage the great things you may have going, that's just the world we live in, but if you have a good thing going, 

don't let anyone get in the way of it.

4. Every time you leave each other, set up the next time you'll see each other. I think this has been more helpful for me than it has for my boyfriend because I'm a very plan oriented person. I really work well when I have a goal in front of me to work towards. Noah and I never really set boundaries on how long we would spend apart when we found out we'd be doing long distance, but we have both been very open and willing to make a plan when one of us feels like we need to see the other. Obviously if I could I'd want to see him every weekend, but unfortunately that's not possible with the miles between us. We are currently apart for 2 months, but having that date makes it seem a lot less daunting. I also think it's important if the future is unclear and there isn't a set time you'll be back together long term to have those small milestone times to see each other. It makes it feel a lot more possible to get through the large chunk of time.

5. Set and plan the finish line. Lets be honest here, everything is easier when there is a nice bright sunny light at the end of the dark and creepy tunnel. Even if the end is miles and miles and miles and miles and miles and…. I think you get the point. It feels good knowing that there is an end to it all and things will get better. It's important for you both to know that at some point you will finally be back together long term and you won't have to spend special holidays, occasions and times apart. Having a time in place where you can plan to be back together makes the process so much less painful.

6. Stay busy. It can be really frustrating when you’re in a long distance relationship and all you can think about is being far away from the other person. It’s important to have things to work towards when you are both separated. Noah and I both are working towards furthering our educations as well as working so we’re both kept pretty busy during the days. There are many benefits to this, for one it will give you something to talk about at the end of the day. Also, it will help keep your mind off the daunting distance between you and it will make the time pass much quicker and we all know, we want that time to fly. Fly away little time birdie!!!

7. Find a schedule. More often than not in relationships there is a dreaded time difference. Finding and working in a scheduled time for communication can really help. Nothing is more frustrating than looking forward and anticipating some much needed conversation time and not being on the same page when the time comes. For us, we always start our Skype dates at 8pm mountain time (10pm Eastern time). Our start time is very consistent for each day but the end time significantly varies. This gives us the ability to guarantee at least 5 minutes of Skype time and daily catching up before bed.

8. Don't forget the little things. Long distance sucks. Two individuals living far away from one another makes it extremely tough to connect. It is much harder to do the little things in person that make the relationship sentimental and special, so you have to be creative and find ways to incorporate the little things when you’re apart.

Some examples of the little things that Noah and I both try to do for the other are:

• Sending good morning and good night texts just to let the other person know you’re thinking of them when you wake up and go to sleep.
• Just sending a simple, “I’m thinking about you,” randomly during the day.
• From time to time I’ll send Noah care packages of his favorite things so it’s almost like I’m there with him. I’ll also send him cards in the mail from time to time.
• I’ve been getting in the habit of calling him just to say, “Hi and I love you.”

9. Go back to the old school. Nowadays, it's unbelievably easy to communicate with your significant other. There is texting, FaceTime, Skype, snapchat, etc. As mentioned before, those are all great for real time communication and daily interaction. They are easy and efficient but they can take away the personality and intimacy of communication. That's why I feel it's a great idea to buy some stamps (stamps can actually be bought online nowadays so there should be no excuses) and send some letters. Nothing says I love you more than a letter. It's so much more than words on phone screen. It's a hand written message that shows you put thought and time into it.

10. Create some "our things". Who said you have to wait until your wedding day to have a "our song"? Having things we both share and are passionate about together increases the feeling of connection. For example, both Bridget and I absolutely love anything and everything related to Superman, minions from Despicable Me (we call them BeeDos), Supernatural, etc.. Those are "our things." Anytime I come across something related to "our things" my face immediately lights up and I can’t help but smile. I'm instantly reminded of how much fun we have together. For example, we both want a Boston Terrier for our first puppy. This past weekend I must have seen 10 Boston Terriers and each time I saw one, my day was instantly made better. I immediately starting thinking about of the great future we have ahead of us. (I also went out of my way to follow them and take pictures but shhhh, don't tell anyone :))

11. Keep a journal. Christmas of 2012, Noah bought me a beautiful journal that he wanted me to write our story in. I absolutely loved this idea, but when I sat down to write “our story” it was a little overwhelming; so I decided instead I would start writing on a pretty regular basis the thoughts I had during the time we were apart. I was hoping that I would have it for a few months and then I would give it to him and he would write while he had it. This gives you something to look back on in the future. Memories are great, but unfortunately our minds will not always be 100%, luckily there’s a thing called paper that allows you to hold onto memories longer (Thank you paper maker!!!). If you haven’t seen the movie “The Notebook” I definitely suggest you do so, because this is kind of where we got that idea from. :) Oh, and my boyfriend can’t remember anything and we are fairly certain he will eventually lose his marbles. Oh wait, he already has ;) I definitely look forward to reading him “our story.”

12. Why are we here. Good question. It is always important to remember why you do the things you do. Long distance relationships are definitely difficult, but if you have a good reason to do certain things, they are worth it. There are always days when I am frustrated with the circumstances we’re in and I just want my boyfriend next to me, but then I remember why we are doing this. It was very important to both Noah and I for him to work towards his PhD and me to work towards my education and although we could make things work by moving me out with him, timing wise it didn’t make sense until next summer. Every day I remember that Noah is out in New York bettering himself and I am here in New Mexico doing the best I can to make sure I am the best version of myself for him, this will allow us to come back together and be unstoppable. It may seem crappy at the time, but hot darn will it be worth it when we’re finally at that finish line.